A Silent Grief of a Man called a Father

Assalammualaikum and a very good afternoon, peeps!

On last 5th January it turned out that it has been 2 years since my late mom left us back to her Creator, Allah SWT and it also meant that my father had been a single dad for 2 years too.

And all this while I realized that being a man and a father was never been easy especially when we live in a society that upholding the stereotype that "men don't cry" and "men are strong". It must be very difficult to be a man in grief since there is no way tears to be shed. 

I haven't seen my father shed his tear once in my life even the day when my mom passed away. I know that he just suppressed his sadness for his children. It is so unfair for this kind of stereotype because a man is human too who has feeling to be sad. Cry doesn't make you weak but it is also a way to be stronger. Don't worry dad even you cry in front of us, it will never lessen the fact that We love you and You are our 1st hero! 

I wrote this for a man called a father especially for my only dad

.

.

.

A dad hurts too,

but I never see the tears that my dad cried,

Not once even when my mom died,

I know his heart broken too,

He tried to hold it together and be strong,

Even though his world gone wrong,

He goes through the days doing what he supposed to do,

Unknowingly that his piece of heart has been ripped away too,

So when he's alone he lets out his pain,

If I could imagined,

I want his tears falling like a heavy rain,

Like his world has crashed in around him

So that way my dad will feel the weigh of the burden around him become less,

and he can be stronger again.

Dad..

Although I didn't call or text you everyday,

It doesn't mean that I don't love or care for you,

I knew I took you for granted,

When you were the first one to call/text me,

I am sorry , dad..

I wish you know that,

It is just that I have get used to be this independent girl since I was young,

However I also trying hard to be a lovely girl that can be pampered by you,

Even it is not even close but since I'm only the girl that not married yet,

I want to have this golden opportunity to be a daddy's girl.

Dad,

I want you to know that you are the source of a my quiet strength,

Although you are not here with me,

Your presence will always be missed,

You are my very own guardian angel,

that always be with me till the end,

I love you dad.

I am Both

I am a cheerful person,
But there is time I cant control my grumpy facial when I had a bad day

I am independent,
but when something happen out of capable, I called my father or other to help me out

I am fearless,
but there are times I am afraid of cockroaches and annelidas

I am impartial,
but sometime I can help myself to be judgemental when it involved people that I cared

I am optimistic,
but there was time that I felt down due to my negative thoughts

I am intelligent,
but not all the times I can used my intelligence to solve problems

what I am trying to say is...

Because I am Human. human being is not perfect,
Allah is!

-m, a traveler on her own destiny-

Hap-food-piness

I love food,

I love to eat,

Thus, I love to eat food.

 

I always imagined,

There's at least one time,

I just sitting at table full of food,

Doing nothing but eating,

Without worried getting fat.

 

Oh, have I tell you I dont envy pretty people?

Because beauty is the eye of the beholder,

Obviously, I envied people who keep on eating without being fat! 

 

I know the feel of craving for food, 

Especially home-made cooked,

That's is why if people around me crave for something,

I always try my best to cater their cravingness made it myself or find it for them!

Hope that when I crave for something there is at least one person that can cater it for me,

Don't you find happiness through this?

Definitely yes for me.

 

 

I have abundance of love,

Some of it, I shared through cooking,

When people asked me what's make my food taste great,

It's small part of the fresh good ingredients,

Of course I have secret ingredient,

Only me can give those miracle taste of food,

Something that cant be describe and counted like a spoonful of sugar,

Every dish I made,

I tunnelled my Love in them,

That's make the food have soul,

Soul that filled up with happiness to the people who swallowed them,

They happy, then I am happy!

 

One day,

If I have an opportunity to live longer,

With a budget,

I would love to launch my own cafe,

That serve many type of food,

With different concept of eating,

To cater people,

With food and soul,

That can bring happiness,

As well as doing some charity at the same time

 

Remember..

We dont own this world,

It is never been about myself or yourself,

We shared this world,

Thus it is ourselves,

Before the true owner claim it by Himself.

 

Written by Norsyalina Ramli

 

Terima kasih sahabat

Aku mungkin ramai kawan,

Tapi dikalangan kawan-kawan itu mereka yang aku hargai,

Dimana mereka aku gelarkan mereka sahabat,

Tentunya yang berkualiti dalam mengatasi kuantiti kawan2 tadi,

Sentiasa ada waktu suka dan duka,

Waktu sukar atau senang.

Jauh atau dekat,

Sahabat akan tahu itu tak pernah dijadikan alasan untuk kita tidak berhubung, 

Hatta kerap atau jarang-jarang,

Bertemu muka atau tidak,

Sentiasa akan cari masa dalam kesibukan untuk bertanya khabar dan kemas kini kehidupan masing2,

Namun tak pernah rasa tersinggung antara satu sama lain,

Sebab kita sentiasa bersatu dalam hati.

Bila bertemu muka atau berborak dalam telefon,

Pastinya masa tak pernah cukup,

Boraknya ntah apa2,

Sampai tak sedar masa cepat sangat berlalu,

Bila bercakap,

Walhal kasar bahasanya tapi tak pernah terasa,

Bila ditimpa kesedihan walau tidah diberi tahu,

Pasti dalam kalangan sahabat itu yang lebih psikiknya dapat menelah kesedihan itu,

Menjadi pendengar setia dan pakar nasihat,

Mungkin kadang kala nasihat itu tak sentiasa menyebelahi diri ini,

Tahu yang sahabat selalu mahukan yang terbaik untuk diri ini,

Secara tidak langsung kata-kata itulah kekuatan untuk bangkit dan membolehkan kita untuk mengukir senyuman semula,

Itulah ajaibnya sahabat.

Terima kasih sahabat,

Aku sentiasa doakan kalian sentiasa berada dalam rahmat dan redha Allah,

Sentiasa istiqmah dan berjaya dalam apa yang kalian ceburi,

Moga persahabatan ini kekal dunia dan akhirat.

Aku sayang kalian.

Nukilan asli daripada NORSYALINA RAMLI

 

Di kala buruk atau cantik pun kalian sentiasa ada😊😊

I Miss Her

I hate counting days,

Especially when it comes to memories that I cherished,

And hope not to be forgotten,

Although in 1, 10 or 100 years,

I really wish it stays my mind collection,

Roughly,

It has been almost 9 months my mom had left us,

And that 9 months I struggled to adapt life without her by keep myself busy,

But I keep on missing her,

Miss her presence,

Miss her her touch,

Miss her nagging and bragging about something,

Miss to pull her white hairs and armpit hairs, give her massage, trim her nails, put oilment on her skin, rubbing her hand, 

Miss her voice, her greetings, her long messages,

Miss her recital Al-Quran every Suboh while I was half awake sleeping in the dining hall,

Miss her cooking,

Gosh.. I miss everything about her

I wish in my prayer that I could meet her at least in my dream,

But she never appear,

Because I know if Allah granted my wish,

I will asked for more,

And my mom would feel sad about it too

Pictures and videos are the only visuals that I had to cater my longing for her.

I know the look from my uncles and aunties when they sneeking looked at me,

How they really want me to be around for the family events,

How dissapointed they are when I cant stay any longer for the event, 

Because they really missed my mom too,

I have my mom's look and almost inherited her genes including her character,

I am her junior is all I can say.

I know I cant bragging about how I've been missing my mom, 

I should be thinking my dad's feeling too,

I must stay strong for him,

That's the way will make him moved on and adapt his life without the woman he loves the most, 

He's the one who felt lost the most,

He's the one need to have the most attention this time.

Though our cares towards him cant be compare to my mom,

But at least, he doesnt feel alone without her woman.

This past few weeks,

I always seek for dishes that my mom cooked,

I missed someone cook for me,

Thus, I would feel happy if someone would iffer their homemade cooking for me,

It is not about how the food taste but how the love they put while making food to others,

Make the taste the best,

Mom's cook always the best though!

Me and my late mom

Al-fatihah!

Please, appreciate the moments with your parent and your loved one while they still alive. We dont know when they will be gone. Always be generous to apologize and give forgiveness, dont wait! Afraid that when you realized it's already late for those and you cant bare the regret the rest of your life. Because feeling lost is already unbearable, cant imagine of those regret! 

Unseek Journey

I love to travel,
Either short or long distance,
It is fun to see the world in whole bigger picture instead of extracting one part,
and you will find the view on those picture are totally different,
Aside from that, the experiences you have are priceless,
and meeting new people to enlarge your networking is another part of the stories,
Life seems to be more appeal!

Once, I have a dream to travel alone,
and I have Australia in that picture,
I don't know precisely why must be that country,
It just pop up in my mind,
May be because I have seen my pic's friend when she's on the vacation over there,
Must be the view that captivated me,
May be because of the mix culture that grip my attention,
where many Malaysian stay over there as permanent resident or co-workers,
which added up my curiosity what were the ground cause that amused those people to stay there,
 and I going to find out the answer one day, yes! one day

~(finally I realized because it has be destined for me to meet Matlutfi and Anwar Hadi over there rather than in Malaysia, perhaps! LOLz)

"Travel helps to reset your current path for a bit,
remind you that life is bigger than what you've been seeing everyday,
and make your problems seem small compare to it,
So, g travel! G supermarket guna jalan jauh"-Taka (via Matlutfi)

That quote is veritable,
Now, I came round why I always use different routes to go to the regular place I went,
Because I love to travel and discover something new!
To see the same place from other side of view at different angles,
and I would says,
Same goes to people,
People's views on the same things would be different!

So, what's the wait. Start your step to travel!
Why make your life complicated when there is always simple step to begin with!
 Happy discovering and travelling, people. Be wise and happy.

 Nape nak g jauh ke Jepun cari bunga sakura, kat Malaysia pon ada scene bunga Sakura gugur jugak. Heehehe, cantik kan!

I need Time of My Own

Assalammualaikum and Happy Tuesday, dear peeps!

7 days every week,

out of 4 days, 

Despite of spending time for myself,

I have another commitment that prosecute me to do another part time job,

as a tuition teacher (tutor),

A huge responsibility that I have to bear on my shoulder, 

To teach and guide them,

Though it was hard,

and complaining is a must coz I'm human,

but most of the time I'll try to carry the responsibility whole-heartedly,

Hoping that they can feel my sincerity through my teaching,

May the knowledge that being vessel to them will be blessed,

So that they can practice what they preach,

and wish that all my deeds will get paid in hereafter

However...I am still a human being

I wish I have time of my own,

Though, it is momentary, 

It is important and precious to me,

The moments where I don't have to think about other people,

That I can just let my mind, body and soul doing my stuffs without worrisome of other things,

With no interference or disturbance from any angle of my circling,

Only me and doing stuffs,

The rest of the 3 days are my worth count days as my time of my own,

and that time is a vital,

That I hope it could last longer,

So that I could do things as much as I want

I have been thinking,

Time is like the coin of your life,

It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how will it being spend,

Be careful lest you let the other spend it for you

Obviously it is the one we want the most,

but yet the one that we use worst

Time ripen all things,

and it revealed everything,

Indeed, time is the father of the truth

 

Just for sharing: Today, I have been telling white lies said that I had a fever as an excuse to attend my tuition class tonight. Sorry my beloved students. I don't want to push myself doing something that I do not put heart on it. I just need a little rest. White or black, big or small, lies are lies! I will be punish for this. Please have a mercy on me, Allah! 

Happy and peaceful day without lies, peeps!

Big Steps

Assalammualaikum and happy monday, peeps!

A few days back,
I have put a lots of thoughts and consideration on "something",
My intuition urged me to do so,
That "something" is definitely gonna change my life,
"Something" that I never experience before,
Which need me to take the risks,
and whatever the outcomes that may strike,
I will accept and be prepared,
coz the most matter is I treasured and valued in this "something"!
For this "something",
I have to take a big steps,
the very big one in my life,
So, in the end of the day, I will not regret!
It might be heart-broking or it might be a good start of this "something",

I am grateful to have a lots of trustworthy people,
that sincerely give words of advice and keep supporting,
Stayed behind me working on this big mission of "something',
I feel blessed,
Thank you, guys!

Though we can see the way to work on this 'something',
but no matter big efforts they are,
Allah knows the best,
HE know the secret behind all this,
Thus, for every efforts I put on this "something",
I rely them on HIM whole-heartedly,
Coz it's beyond my power to predict what the future holds,
If it is the best way for me,
I utmost believe that HE will guide me well and make it easier for us!

I am waiting for the day of doing "something",
Hoping for it going smoothly follow Allah's will,
No matter hard the results will be,
Just accepted it with my heart content,
coz Allah is the Great and Mighty Planner,
I pray that Allah will show and guide me the way,
and now I found inner peace,
Wishing the plan on doing "something"
was not taken solely and emotionally,,
So, I persist to go for it,
As long as I feel relieved,
and no regret at the end of the day,
If we meant to be as we are now,
Just be it and that was the beauty of the life,
I just want to see we are all happy!

"Please pray for me for this big step on this "something"!

 I strongly believed that every sincere relationship, it was not meant to make it difficult but ease!

Stay strong and happy, peeps!

p/s: Please pray for the Lahad Datu's citizen safety. Salam takziah buat keluarga pejuang-pejuang yang terkorban. Jangan mengeruhkan lagi kesedihan keluarga si arwah dengan mempolitikkan isu Lahad Datu. It's not even helping to solve the issues, though! Be wise, people.

I am just A Girl...

Assalammualaikum and Holla, peeps!

Salam Sya'ban to all muslims. Yang kaum hawa tu, dah ganti puasa? Jangan memandang rendah pengecualian yang dah diberi kepada kita dengan tidak menggantikannya atau buat-buat lupe. Tips mudah untuk tidak mudah lupa atau sering bertangguh ganti puasa adalah dengan berpuasa Enam semasa bulan SYAWAL, kawan-kawan! Yipee, tak sabar nak tunggu bulan Ramadhan. Semoga kita bertambah baik dari semasa ke semasa sebagai hamba-Nya.

Lately, the way people look at me make me wonder to see my own reflection in the mirror, "really, is this the reflection of 20++ years old ladies perhaps still a girl not yet a woman should be look like?". No wonder people keep saying that I am younger than my age. But what if (with this feature look) with a little bit modification of the appearance matured thingy replace in this body, do I really look like people in my age? People nowadays are so judgemental. What kind of theory or concept did they look into to judge people? Did they look at the whole thing, or the just peek into the small part then make a conclusion based on the small observation for assumption. For me, people' views on someone or something just like they see beauty, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder which mean, depend on what criteria they prescribed as beauty for themselves. Some say big round eyes are beautiful, some says small double eye lid eyes are beautiful, so it depends of the eyes of the beholder. 

Girl at 20++ years old should be look like this? Hehehe

Doesn't matter how people judge you. The fundamental is you know yourself better than anyone else and you happy being who you are. But from time to time, we want to be better and that's the time we change for the good. So, go for it! BUT DON'T EVER CHANGE YOURSELF for ANYONE ELSE. Trust me, it won't do. Do  it for the bottom in your heart and because of ALLAH. 

I just happy for being who I am and love myself more and more! Enjoy this write up below, for a credit to myself stand as who I am. 

I'm just a girl,

Definitely not the perfect one,

My Hijab doesn't always stay in place,

and of course I do spill things a lot,

Yeah, most of the time I like to act cool

Although when things messed up, 

I continued to pretend I'm cool, strong and tough,

But the reality is it really break my nerves down and everything tear apart,

Only the same species like me can see me thoroughly, 

that I am fragile like a glass...

I know that I'm not always right,
but I hate to admit that I'm wrong,
It is because I have some issue about egoistic, sorry my bad..
When my friends and I have a debate on something,
I always come out with theories, concepts to prove my points are acceptable,
It is not about taking all the winnings most of the times,
But I just love to see how serious the people to make every efforts to prove their stands on something,
sometimes came out with creative, brilliant, logic and beyond the boundaries of other people might think the points are,
I just enjoy be part of spectator of that scene..

People might see me as a bubbly and happy-go-lucky girl,
No denial on that, yes I am,
With the appearance of smiling on my face,
Doesn't mean that it is always real,
Deep down inside, I am just and ordinary girl,
who feel the pain and anger like normal girl does,
and may be I can be read like an open book but I hide so much,
To block people to see me crystal clear,
Like a firewall design for antivirus,
I have get used to be an independent girl from my childhood,
And I just don't want to get other worry about me,

If I want something, I will go for it,
I try to work hard at that things,
though I know that I don't always get what I deserve,
I might failed but at least I won't regret for what I've tried,
You might say that I am a stone head,
But what I believe,
Diligence is the mother of good fortune,
It's not like I believe in fortune but I have faith in my creator,
For every good intentions and efforts,
Allah will lead you the way and make it easier

My friends and I sometimes fight,

and may be some days nothing goes right,

Then it is the time for me try to take left,

Just to discover the new side of things to break down my curiosity,

Though I have to be the subject of the experiment of life,

Life is experiment anyway,

But when I think about it, I remember how amazing life truly is and that may be

Just may be, I like being a girl...perfectly imperfect!

And for the boys out there,

Here a good news,

I won't mess with your head or play with your heart,

Because I am a real girl, 

I will finish what I started,

I believe in fate and destined which have been plan by HIM,

When the time come, the right person will appear,

might be He's the one close to you 

or might be he's accidentally you met in supermarket,

anything might happen,

That journey seem enjoyable somehow to me,

Perhaps the last stand man win!

Happy day onwards, peeps!

The so-called Poem

Assalammualaikum and Happy Saturday Morning, guys ~_ ^

Hey, sleepyhead! Come on, get up from your bed now. Get yourself with some light exercise and healthy breakfast that lead a great and healthy lifestyle (Haha, pravo Norsyalina with the 'wise' thought above, have you get your head knock up somewhere else..).

Sorry, guys it's not like the sun have arisen from the west this morning. It's just happen that i can't going to bed after being awake at 5 a.m. (i'm kinda envy that some ppl can still in under blanket, come on it's weekend!!). It makes my finger actively want to type something in my blog. It's random and just pop up in my mind. I'm neither a song-writer nor a poetry but myself already a true artist. 

<This is how it started>

I'm sorry...

Another day has passed just like this again,

This nervousness that I can't fix,

That my heart felt like dysfunctional and won't stop throbbing,

Causes it getting bigger and bigger..

Hence to occupy and accommodate the overwhelming feeling towards you,

But  there are lines that I can't get crossed over it....

Still.. I'm still hesitating,

I can't even say it that you are still shining so brightly no matter how far you are,

That's why I don't think I can get close to you easily,

and yet you are so freely moved,

That's must be why I just keep circling around you,

Because you must be inside my tiny hidden heart,

and I don't need a permission to do so...

<and ended> 

Haha, pretty short! "Ade ku kisah"! It's by far can be qualified as a poem but as long as it came genuinely from my brain and pure heart...it is an ART! I dedicated this so-called poem to someone special to my life including you. Enjoy your weekend and be happy no matter how hard your life is. ^_^

Keep your heart alive and healthy so that you able to protect people that you love. 

Saranghae!!

FoAm of Life

Assalammualaikum and annyeonghaseyo, people! ~_^


Di saat waktu berhenti...kosong
Dimensi membutakan mata, memekakkan telinga
Lalu diri menjadi hampa
Saat paradigma dunia tidak lagi diguna utk menerka
Sadarku akan hadirmu, mematahkan sendi-sendi yang biasanya tegak berdiri
(lyric extracted from Alhamdulillah song by Too Phat, Ahli Fiqir, Dian ft Yassin)

Hahaha, it was just a little bit intro because this song suddenly pop up and play re-peat-peat-peat in my mind before i continued typing the keyboard to write this entry. Alhamdulillah, we still have a chance to live onwards and do whatever it takes to keep alive in this worlds.

Here, the story begin.....

In one beautiful fine morning, there was a cute bubbly girl passed by a pond to visit her "friend". She sat in a bench playing with foam to relinquish her lonesome to her dear "friend". Once she blew off the bubbles, the foam formed gave her confrontation metaphores to life.. (Aceh, layan blues la plak minah ni..layan kan jek)

Various colors inside the foam, normally rainbow color...some radiated more stronger color like yellow and some was just plain depending on the presence of sunlight and moisture. We always said that the more colorful, the more cheerful of our life. But still, it rely on the inside factors to make our life in such ways like happy and supportive family you own (the main factor that will make your day)

As the foam formed, it might be formed in clump or singly-formed or might be big or can be small depending how the blower's technique and how much pressure he put in it. Just like in our life, we might walking in  throughout our life accompanied with dear friends or ended up alone depending how you plan or set it should be. Some people have greatly influenced in your life either in a good or bad ways, make you realized that they actually taught you something, and that something was so-called an experience. Experience is a great teacher after all but yet the fees are high. 

As the foam flown away, there's always the external factors like wind, rain or insects will get into the way that perhaps they will be the enhancers or inhibitors that make it flew swiftly higher or lower with risky throughout the foam's journey. Just like in our life, as we passed along the journey, we might experiencing ups and downs, happy and sorrow, pleasure and difficulty that make us stronger from time to time. But not all of us can survive in this world quite well, some just give up and they think by commit suicide is the best solution, just like the foam suddenly vanished from our view. Bear in mind, DEATH is CERTAIN, but it's beyond our responsibility but what will happen to the people we left behind after you commit suicide. Save your breath, we only live once. So, grab the chances and live it well. We will never be alone, the pain and grief are the flavor in your life, have faith in HIM when you find yourself lost. 

Okay, the cute bubbly girl that i was told back then was already starving for lunch and she was out of energy to think more about  the metaphores of life (kelaparan tahap gaban, sian gaban yang dpt nama). It took a day to wrap up the entry, though. 

Life..life..life

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help to create the fact because we put our life as an experiment. The more experiment, the better and precise. All I can said is, the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. Put yourself together and smashed it! 

Life has no meaning without sharing. Sharing is caring and always a loving. Thus, share your part to the others will form a bridge between the sharers which can be the basic understanding much of not shared between them and lessens the threat of the indifferent. Let's share and spread the happiness through this video! Stay in my love, peeps..Peace yah!