Behind the story of da' soul thinker 1: My role as a Daughter

Once in a while...
I give a deep thought and start pondering
about my role in life so far..
My brain summon up to recall the previous memories
what I have rolled up to until now as a daughter...

I have been told that when I was a kid,
If I didn't get what I want, I always pulled a crying scene..
To stop me from crying out loud,
they gave me a bottle of milk, and guest what, I stop crying!
I wonder if my parent annoyed with my crying scene, do they?
';might be..probably..who didn't?
If I was in their shoes I might felt the same..annoying! Haha
Yes, I always expecting for the worst result or answer so that I can give myself more options
and counter measures..
that thought leave me as a flexible person that you see me now..

Thus when I was in kindergarten, I hate crying!
For me, only a weak person did cried...
Obviously, I don't want to be weak...
Then, I controlled myself no matter what happen
I have to endure my tears from weeping,
at least not in open..
I lied if I said I don't cry anymore,
I did, just all by myself, out of people sight...
Then, when I grew older..
I started to think..
that crying can't sum up you as a weak person,
Somehow, the tears can make you a stronger person too...
I am just hiding it, don't want you to keep worrying
May be, both of you take me as a cold person because I didn't cry
when I see you fighting yourself from your pain in the hospital bed
I did cried inside cause I have to be strong for the people I loved..
I have this assumption based on my observation,
For example, people who were laugh...
didn't mean that they were really happy and satisfied their life..
they just hiding their true feeling and worries...
and of course, they have the reason for the hiding
They don't want their loved one to worry...
Same assumption can be applied in crying too

I want to be a daughter
which they can be proud of,
Who can they depend on when they grew older and older...
I am not sure up untill now, did I have make my parent proud of me?
Yes might be, I do make them proud when I scored excellent results in UPSR, PMR and SPM
might be, they are very proud when I was the first one in my mum's and dad's family who entered the boarding school..
probably, I did them proud when I enrolled 1st class degree during my bachelor degree
Likely when I was offered to do straight away my phD without master degree, they were proud
but those do not ensure that I will be good daughter that they can be proud of in future...
That's why I keep praying that they will given longevity and healthy
Thus I can prove that
I am worthy for them as their daughter that they can be proud of..
One day and that day will come, Insha Allah...

As a daughter,
I don't want to be such a burden to my parent,
I just want to a good and filial daughter to them...
Though sometimes I did foolish and naughty stuffs,
that was normal for grown up people would do..
but then I regret.. I learned and not repeat the same mistake..
People who did the same mistake was a fool..
Some people says that I am gifted and smart,
Sometimes being a smart person will become a disaster
If it not come along with the wise thought..
People who come with brain usually not that hardworking but they do work smart..
I prefer to be hardworking,
hard works will get paid and succeed along the way either sooner or later
Yes, indeed, Allah is the Wisest and the Best Planner,
He know the best and being fair of His creations
Night comes after the day,
Rainbow comes after the rain
Happy comes after sadness
and every weakness comes a superiority
So being a smart wasn't bad at all,
starting from my middle school, I have been given a scholarships
that way can lessen my parent's burden,
So that they can concentrating their financial on my other siblings
that time I realized I started to stand on my own or being independent in the other word..
way too independent I guest..
As a grew up, less and less story about my life I updated with u both..
because I don't want both of you to worry about me...
Not because you both are not my important person in my life...
Indeed, you still are and forever..
But I just have get to use it and don't want to add up the grief on your shoulder anymore
hope you will understand that

Being as your daughter,
taught me a lots,
I learned that nobody was perfect,
so it's okay to be an imperfect person and be around them.
I learned that money is important but wasn't for everything,
so that I have to value it, live the life in modesty and humble.
I learned to live life with dignity,
So that people will acknowledge and respect you,
I learned that life wasn't always good and smooth as it expected to be,
So I give all my best to live without regrets and put less expectation in everything.
I learned that if I want people to love, respects and trust me,
So I have to love, respects and trust them first.
I learned when life getting harder,
So you know I am the chosen one to be tested and beg for His Guidance,
I learned when others turning back on you,
You still have both mum and dad back you up,
I hope I will be a good, filial, and the one that you can be depend on
and...you can be proud of..as your daughter!
your precious and pride...
I love you both, mum and dad!

Kewujudan dan kehilangan!

Assalammualaikum dan Salam Sejahtera!

Selamat berpuasa bagi semua Muslim seluruh dunia! Semoga kedatangan bulan Ramadhan kali ni lebih bermakna dan berkat berbanding yang sebelumnya dengan peningkatan amal ibadah yang wajib dan sunnah berteraskan nawaitu kerana Allah Taala. Jangan lupa saling ingat mengingati dan bersederhanalah dalam semua perkara, sesungguhnya apa yang kita miliki adalah nikmat dan pinjaman semata-mata. 

Apa yang bakal korang akan baca di bawah mungkin sedikit sebanyak buat korang berfikir dan bermuhasabah sejenak. Entri ini aku tulis secara random setelah sekian lama aku tak mengemaskini blog ni! Bagi yang sentiasa mengikuti penulisan aku dalam blog ni ribuan terima kasih aku ucapkan atas kesudian korang membacanya dan mohon maaf sekiranya tak dapat update selalu dan mungkin ada penulisannya bersifat syok sendiri. Aku menulis  (x kira di blog or status ig or fb) sebab aku takut satu hari nanti aku lupa siapa aku, kesedihan dan kegembiraan apa yang telah aku lalui dan siapa orang-orang penting dalam hidup aku. Mungkin tak semua yang boleh dikongsi ramai tapi sedikit sebanyak ada buktinya kewujudannya!

We live for a purpose! Sehingga hari ini aku masih berpegang pada tag-line tu! Short but meaningful to me. Disebabkan masa kecik-kecik aku (umur around 4-5 tahun) aku a little bit sensitive  orang-orang sekeliling aku membuatkan aku nekad seawal usia 6 tahun aku dah tak nak nangis dan ambil pusing benda-benda yang aku rasa hurtful baik dari segi kata-kata dan perbuatan. Aku anak kedua dan aku ada seorang kakak, adik perempuan dan adik lelaki. Mungkin kalian pernah came across about anak nombor dua ni pelik dan unik. Let me corrected it. Actually sesiapa yang dilahirkan dahulu sebelum kalian tidak kira kakak atau abang yang berjantina sama dengan kalian, secara psikologinya kalian akan alter karakter kalian mengikut keperluan dan kehendak kalian. Lama kelamaan ia menjadi habit. One fine day nanti aku buat entri khas untuk anak no2 ni daripada pandangan dan pengalaman aku.

Jadi dari situlah bermulanya anjakan paradigma dalam hidup aku untuk divert my sensitivity terhadap kata-kata dan perbuatan orang lain dengan tidak mengambil pusing perkara yang kurang pentingnya pada diri aku bahawa aku ada tanggungjawab dan peranan yang lebih penting dalam hidup ini berbanding dengan coklat aku dimakan oleh akak aku atau orang irihati dengan aku sebab aku comel dan lebih talent dari budak-budak yang suka nyakat aku (lol).

Percayalah bahawa setiap kewujudan itu ada hikmahnya. Dan korang adalah salah satu bukti kewujudan tersebut. Kadang-kadang, apa yang kalian buat itu kecil tapi sumbangannya besar terhadap orang-orang tertentu. Jadi, jangan berfikir bahawa diri korang tidak berguna dan jangan pertikaikan siapa kita di mata manusia, yang penting siapa kita pada Allah. Mungkin kewujudan dan kehadiran korang tu kurang disedari tetapi kehilangan dan ketiadaan korang pasti akan dirasai.

Biasanya, kita akan merasai kehilangan sesuatu itu sekiranya sesuatu itu ada mengambil sedikit ruang dalam ingatan dan hati kita. Jarang sekali, kita akan merasai kehilangan sesuatu itu sekiranya kita tidak pernah mengambil berat kehadirannya, kewujudannya dan peranannya. Kita juga tidak akan merasai kehilangan sesuatu benda yang tidak kita hargai dan tidak kita ingini dalam kehidupan kita.

Ada sesetangah kehilangan itu memberikan kesedihan kepada kalian sebab rasa cinta korang pada benda atau orang yang korang hilang itu. Firman Allah SWT di dalam surah At Taubah, ayat ke-24, bermaksud:

Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): “Jika bapa-bapa kamu, dan anak-anak kamu, dan saudara-saudara kamu, dan isteri-isteri (atau suami-suami) kamu, dan kaum keluarga kamu, dan harta benda yang kamu usahakan, dan perniagaan yang kamu bimbang akan merosot, dan rumah-rumah tempat tinggal yang kamu sukai, – (jika semuanya itu) menjadi perkara-perkara yang kamu cintai lebih daripada Allah dan RasulNya dan (daripada) berjihad untuk ugamaNya, maka tunggulah sehingga Allah mendatangkan keputusanNya (azab seksaNya); kerana Allah tidak akan memberi petunjuk kepada orang-orang yang fasik (derhaka).

Kecintaan yang berlebihan terhadap perkara-perkara diatas mendapat ancaman keras daripada Allah kerana kita tidak pernah memiliki walau satu pun daripada semua nikmat yang disenaraikan tersebut. Keterikatan dan kebergantungan kepada sesuatu yang bukan milik hakiki kita boleh mendatangkan kekecewaan apabila kita kehilangannya. Rasa memiliki inilah yang akan melemahkan kita sebab ia akan menjadikan kita kecewa dan sedih yang amat sangat apabila Allah menarik nikmat-nikmat ini daripada kita. 

Jadi, jom sama-sama mendidik diri supaya kurangkan kecintaan dan kebergantungan terhadap orang atau benda-benda yang kita cintai melainkan Allah SWT. Cinta terhadap seseorang mungkin kita bakal dilupai atau ditinggalkan tapi Allah takkan tinggalkan hambaNya sekiranya kita ditimpa musibah. Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim! May Allah blessed all of us! Amin

I LOVE FROZEN MOVIE!

Assalammualaikum and Happy day!

Hye peeps! Though Frozen Movie has been released in cinema for the last two months ago, I still wanted to update about it. Even now, I am still crazy about the movie and the soundtracks in the movie. Can't deny, there's still a child inside me. I have gone through a hard time just to get a ticket to watch the movie a month after it was being released (always full seated at all the time, sigh~ even weekdays forgetting that I have to compete with the kids which they were on school holiday) and finally got to watch it alone in not so empty cinema in January 2014! Yoooosh....

Below are my reviews about this movie which I rated for 4/5.

Frozen is something new for Disney: A movie about sisterhood. (Well, newish after Lilo & Stitch). The two main characters are Anna (Kristen Bell) and Elsa (Idina Menzel), the former a delightfully weird princess the latter a Queen who’s suffered isolation her whole life because it’s thought—first by her parents, then by her—that being around other people will make it impossible to control her ice bending. 

Watching the trailer it’s easy to assume that Elsa is the villain of the story, a sorcerer-gone-bad who has to be convinced by her pure hearted sister, Anna to return to the light side of the Force. But that’s not how it is at all. Elsa is the protagonist of her own story, one in which well-meaning parents taught her to rein in emotion for her own good. Frozen got on my good side by doing several things I didn’t expect (there was a plot twist about three-quarters of the way through that made everyone in the theater gasp), and the way it portrays family is one of them: Elsa and Anna’s parents aren’t evil. They’re not the stepmother from Snow White. They genuinely think they’re doing what’s best for both their children. 

It’s an unusual (but welcome) message to put in a Disney film: Sometimes your parents mean well, but each person has to take charge of their own life and decide what’s best for them. It’s similar to what we saw in Brave (Love the movie too), but it takes it further. Merida eventually brings her parents around, but the legacy that Anna and Elsa’s parents leave in their daughters’ lives is physical and emotional isolation. For a Disney movie, it’s pretty dark.

 

Though, we can have a movie about sisterhood, but there still has to be a romance. Frozen is absolutely a step in the right direction, but I hope the studio will one day reach a point where they regularly make movies where the Princess doesn’t end up with her One True Love by the time the credits roll (there's a twist stories about the romance in the end of the movie). But Frozen is a good film, and diversity and/or a lack of “Protagonist finds the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with!!!!” would’ve given it that boost to “Frozen is a gift to humanity, let me snuggle it to my bosom and love it forever.”

The was funny part where Olaf, a snowman that created by Elsa desperately to experience himself in a summer and nothing is possible with the magic, he able to make his wish came true. And how this movie ended, " an act of a true love can melt the frozen heart"! This love quote is quite applicable for me in process to find a true love, wahahaha! Feeling like I am the frozen heart princess.. (hiks)

It is the best for you to watch it your own. May be your reviews will be different with mine.

This soundtrack of the Frozen movie, Let it Go! is so inspiring song. If u feeling down, serve the song to your ears. You will get to be positive in no time. 

"Love is the greatest magical power unknowingly"

-m-

Happy New Year 2014!

Assalammualaikum and happy day, people!

First of all I would like to wish all my dear peepers a HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014!

Better late then never. 

Alhamdullillah..
We have been given opportunity to live another days in 2014..

I hope this year will brings us warmth of love 

and illuminates your path of life towards the positive direction,

with new hopes,

new resolutions,

and new spirits..

to enjoy another 365 days ride..

in this challenging world

and become a better caliph!

Insha Allah

May Allah blessed all of us..

Amin

My top priority resolution for this year, obviously to finish my study, get a real job and make my parent happy! Then, other things like blah blah blah come next. Don't want to put too much on the list. Just feel the thrill and awesomeness of the year. 

Happy Great 2014 year, people!

Don't forget to spread your love and kindness to people around you.

P/s: It may sounds cheesy, but i am intend to write a letter from my old 2014 self to future 2015 self at the end of the year. So that I can see my achievement throughout the year! Heehehe. You may too >_<